Blues From The Past
Happy 2016! I am relieved the holiday season is over and a fresh new year has begun as I find myself energized in motivation.
In years long gone when my home was center stage for celebration with family, I immersed myself in the preparations with enthusiasm.
When it was all over and Jan. 1st arrived I always felt the blues set in. The bright sparkling decorations, holiday food, and entertaining were gone and the thought of more months of dreary Winter days seemed endless until the emergence of Spring.
Now that most of my (small) family members have passed on and the rest are scattered across the country I find the time of year pared way down…and I am o.k. with that…now.
It’s been a process over many years where the lead up to Thanksgiving dropped me into a gloomy place where I remained until after New Year’s Day. I would struggle to put up a good front but inside I was hurting from the loss of what used to be with those I loved and missed. The festive retail decorations, advertisements/holiday music on the radio, and watching my friends in the same place I used to be would sting like a hot needle poking my body and soul each time. If I could have fast-forwarded thru it all it would have been done with a quick press of my finger.
I had to change my thinking and alleviate my pain of loss that the holidays can bring about. Practicing living in the moment has helped me a lot. My mind had accepted what used to be but my emotions had not caught up.
One of my life mottos is “There Are Trade-Offs In All Situations”. Whatever changes life tosses your way…there is loss and there is gain.
I could not change those I have lost in my life however I am not alone on my path. My husband has been nothing but patient and supportive of my dark moods regardless of how much he could know the depth I tried to cover from him. I realized how selfish and unfair I was in expecting him to continue without a resolute effort on my part to overcome this “darkness”.
The stress of finding the economy to provide a good time, baking deadlines, projects and arranging schedules are long gone. I will always have the wonderful memories that accompanied it all that made everything worth it tucked away in my heart. I realized in watching my friends with their frenzied pressures of creating their own preparations for a good time that I felt none!
I felt a freedom to create new memories with my man in the way we want to do it without pressure of expectations outside of our own desires. I also felt a bit of envy from a good friend that we had such freedom to go our own way…together.
Am I completely “cured”? <-smile I continue to mend but that deep dark veil with the painful needle like pokes are gone. I am more focused on “the now” and being happy with where I am today.
I do not “do” New Year’s resolutions. What I do is look forward to clearing out the clutter in my “nest” and digging into my projects with renewed eagerness with more focus on taking better care of my body. It’s more of a fresh attitude in waking up every day and moving forward on my path with conscious intentions. So I don’t need to “hibernate” until Spring…I look forward to what I will accomplish once it does!
On a lighter note : ). I have become a football fan! Sports fans have never been a part of my immediate family growing up. On that note, I have never lived in a home where it was any issue. I would go so far as to note if my home teams were doing well but never take time to watch any games. If I went to someone’s house and they had a game on I felt it was a background sound to tune out. I might ask politely who was playing or winning but that is where interest ended.
I remember years ago coming home for a visit, while living far away, to see my grandparents. Upon my arrival to their house…they were watching a baseball game with the “home team”. Both had their feet up in their recliners. I was pleasantly and amusingly shocked! My grandmother knew the key players and supplied me with information about them enthusiastically. How incredibly cute they are, I thought.
Fast forward to 2014 and the Seahawks were headed for the Super Bowl. I caught the passionate fever of a true fan! Yes…and my husband even bought me my first NFL t-shirt. I can now talk football with my best friend’s husband…lol. (O.K…I am still a newbie learning!) My husband teases me about being a football widower and is very pleasant and amused when I tell him I have to watch the game.
We (fans) are rooting for them once again that they will return for a 3rd time. Regardless…true fans will always be supportive.
Getting older with grace is allowing oneself to be open to new things and ideas. That is the way I see it anyway. I don’t think we are ever done learning about ourselves and who we are if we remain aware and receptive in recognizing new levels of discovery.
I wish you all the best for the brand new year!
Peace on Your Path,
Webmistress – Majickal Garden