Soulmates, Marriage and Reality

When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love

–Robert Fulghum

Francesco Hayez - Italian ArtistFrancesco Hayez – Italian Painter

Written by Jasmine

(Webmistress The Majickal Garden)

 

In order to be able to recognize if someone is your soul mate, you need to *know thyself*. A relationship on this level is a true partnership that requires both sides to be aware of the responsibility for a healthy heart, mind and soul.

In a soul mate marriage, there is a sense of balance and a strong, positive attitude. Intimidation, manipulating ways or abuse is not part of the relationship. There is a mutual feeling of safeness. A feeling like it was meant to be with a natural fit is part of it with a shared honesty and support. With a sense of familiarity and a feeling of the spouse as a mirror is part of a soul mate relationship. This kind of marriage is not hard to maintain ( at the same time not without challenges)  and are healthy, passionate and harmonious. By working together they find plenty can be achieved.

Where couples are active soul mates, there is a mutual joy in watching the growth of the other. They will accept who you are and bring out the best in you by challenging you to do your best. They are a best friend. A soul mate will not ask nor need you to change from who you are. The commitment to the marriage is cherished and small moments together are some of the best.

This basic outline of a soul mate relationship is based on an understanding that both have attained such a level of growth on a soul and human level as to be compatible and ready to share the very special chemistry *magic* that occurs with soul mates sharing lives together.

O.K. If we understand what a soul mate is…how do we convert that to the reality of our lives and the partners we have chosen? The last thing I would advocate is ending a marriage because it does not fit the blue print of an outline of a soul mate. However, there are things, in understanding what a soul mate is, that can be of help in the current relationship.

There is a very good chance that the mate you have chosen is in your soul group. There is a reason, as a spirit in lesson, for your getting together. Elements such as where the spiritual and intellectual growth stands for each side enters in to how you relate with each other. Also how one another has dealt with past issues from childhood thru adulthood. If this is understood, how past issues can affect your relationship and how you relate to one another, a desire to begin to clear them up could change things that might be somewhat undesirable in the marriage.

The more time a couple has racked up together, the easier it is for the reasons that attracted you in the first place can begin to pale. Reach back to the days when things were still fresh and focus on these traits when they shined the brightest. By making an effort to look at one another thru those eyes you can begin to see the other in a different light. Your positive response could actually bring these qualities out in the other if done with love and respect. Sometimes the best of us can forget what we were like so long ago before the focus of every day dealings of life shifted priorities.

In looking at what can be done to begin a change in the tide of a marriage with serious problems where there is a definite gulf in relating to one another…the worst thing that one could do is put the blame on the other and wait for them to *get it together*. The more rational thinking is to begin to look inside with a fresh eye as to where you can begin with yourself. Its sometimes not an easy feat for a start, however, if your being honest with yourself, you will begin to see where your own responsibility in the relationship lies and seek a place to start. When the other begins to see the changes brought about by efforts taken on your own initiative, your mate might naturally seek changes in themselves.

Soul mates do not agree on everything. There is no *ideal* mate and no one will think exactly the way you do. There will still be difficult times in a marriage, even as soul mates. No one has all the answers but with a commitment to take the responsibility to be the best you can be…it can definitely affect those around you. If we truly are spirits in lesson on this earth, it is our responsibility to discover the answers that work for ourselves individually. In a marriage where oaths were taken, from that day forward, in becoming a couple lies the responsibility to actively uphold that oath. How much time and effort put into the commitment of the marriage is a choice for both sides.

Love, respect and support to the other is a firm base that should prevail with any dealings with the mate you have chosen.

 

For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.

–Rainer Maria Rilke

Soul Circles

This is the miracle that happens every time to those who really love; the more they give, the more they possess.
–Rainer Maria Rilke

Written by Jasmine

(Webmistress The Majickal Garden)

Before we entered into service as humans in lesson on this earth plane, we had our soul circles in spirit. Spirits we know well and recognize outside of the curtain that separates us from the spirit world, before we became who we are in body. With lessons to learn and knowledge to share between us to aid our purpose in this life; agreements were made for key times in our lives, when we have achieved readiness for our advancement.

Have you ever had someone come into your life that immediately you took to, with a familiarity that could only be if you had known them before? Perhaps in another lifetime? They might have been another sex and played a totally different part in the past, but the feeling would remain. The meeting might last for a brief short time or could have turned into a permanent part of your life and in-between. Regardless of the length of time you spend together, there would be enrichment in your life for having known them.

When you meet someone from your soul circle, there is a feeling of an unconditional, mutual, relationship, depending on the situation. Someone that has something to teach you, and/or you have something to give in return. There is a lack of judgment on the part of your character. They have a desire to see you in the best side that you can be and will naturally try to help you achieve that in your life. At the same time they can be objective enough to see the other side of you that might be difficult to see from your own perspective. There will be no jealousy in seeing you accomplish your goals.

These relationships are not limited to romantic by any means. I am blessed with a couple of very dear friends that remain a constant in my life. Girl friends that I consider my rocks of support. No matter what I do, or where I go, they are always there. They never judge me or my choices but I know I can count on them for their input when I need it. They are able to see sides of me, that perhaps I am unwilling at the time, to put the spotlight on and with the *unconditional love* of one from the same soul circle, will offer their insight….knowing what I choose to do with it is up to me. Because of the nature in which the insight was offered, I don’t feel defensive or offended. There is also a feeling of sheer comfort when we are together…no matter how long the span of time has been between our being together.

I have also met people for a very brief time that left me feeling full and warm. Perhaps it was only meant to be for that short time, but I feel we both left heading down our individual paths better for having met. These could also have been from my own soul circle and what was to be accomplished was done in the time we spent together.

Of course, soul relationships come with a responsibility on our parts as well. We need to be able to respond with the same unconditional love and caring that the relationship is offered in. The mutual base lies in the desire to find soul enlightenment along whatever path is chosen and finding oneself blessed to have someone in their life that shares the same. It does not mean you always have to agree on everything but mutual respect for the individuals is shared.

Living your life in mindfulness of the moment can help you recognize when these opportunities cross your path. When you first meet someone new, look for possible signs of why you have met. *Listening with mindfulness* is a key for all situations in your life. Develop this and it can serve you well. It means truly listening to what is being said, as opposed to for example, busying your mind with what you’re going to say next instead of *hearing* what is going on at the moment.

Sometimes after meeting someone in your soul group, after the fact, things said can sometimes spark new thought on the part of yourself. This is where really hearing what was transferred between you will be a plus. It can also be so, that, you were meant to share something from yourself with someone else. They might leave the meeting with thoughts of what was said, and how it applied to them, and choose to apply it to their own life.

It’s a comfort to me, on this path of my life, knowing I am a spirit in body, to know I am not in this alone. If one chooses to truly open the eyes wide, what the universe has provided for us is vast and wide. To understand, as your own soul understands, what a soul circle is, and find them scattered along your path. You too can recognize those spirits in body, from your own *family*.

Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.

–Margery Williams The Velveteen Rabbit

A Woman’s Place

 

Jonathon Bowser

 

Written by Jasmine

(Webmistress The Majickal Garden)

I have not ever felt the need to call myself a “woman’s libber”. Having coming into my own during the 70’s, there was plenty to learn about oppression and liberation from different media. We were modern enough to experience the possibilities of what a woman could accomplish, should one be motivated enough to want to jump into the fast lane, and move ahead in life. However, if one was enlightened enough, to feel the pressure of the desire to better herself, but not fortunate enough to have the financial backing to attend college, feeling the opportunity of marriage was the only major viable alternative was prevalent.

My junior year of high school found me with a silent desire to become a librarian. I remember at 8 years of age, 2nd grade, discovering the wonders the library held and I became passionate about something for the first time in my life. Visiting it was not enough so when we were allowed to volunteer to aid the librarian in 5th grade I jumped at the chance, all the way thru my graduation. I would have done it for nothing but it was a bonus when I actually racked up a few credits for my efforts. In my senior year I was an employee of my small community library where I held such responsibility as being the sole
person running it on some Saturdays. Thrilling in my book! It was too short lived because my salary was paid thru backdoor funding and when community monies and how it was spent was revamped, my position was terminated. However, I was shy, lacking personal confidence and I did not recognize it as a “calling” to be addressed and fulfilled. I knew my family did not have the money to send me to college nor did I have any comprehension as to how someone could work their way thru. At that time, grants and loans were not as prevalent as they would become later.

What I did in that direction was ask the lead librarian in my high school if I could become a librarian by attending vocational school, thinking that might possibly be my only option. With no idea as to what was going on in my mind, she said I could work in one by doing so but the real way was to attend college for the required credentials to become a librarian. In my mind my dream was dashed by my interpretation of her answer and I never spoke of it again until years later to my Grandmother. At that time, she smiled a knowing sad smile and told me had she known this, there would have been ways via the family connections (unknown to me at the time) as well as ways and means only adults are sometimes privy to, that would have allowed me to attain my dream.

Growing up in a small community that allowed me to be sheltered from the outside world, but at the same time aware of that world, I truly feel it was the end of an era where it was either one or the other. The in-between was a life of serving in a “job” to simply, however respectfully, earn a paycheck, in a position that would certainly find one wondering by middle age where did the time go and what the heck am I doing here? Or become a “homemaker”. At 17 years, I met a man 4 years older than me and well on his way paving his future. It was a true relationship on both sides, but sub-consciously I knew marriage was the only option for “someone like me”. I ended up working while he attended formal education after his service in the Army. There was no question in my mind as to the soundness of this mutual decision. Time passed quickly as it does and 4 years later I was pregnant and we had started our family. If someone told me I was settling for less, I would have called them a liar. There are choices presented on our individual paths and I believe there is no wrong choice; only different and our lessons earned and learned come in the form of what direction we chose to go and the varying degrees supplied.

Personally, based on what I learned of “woman’s lib”, they ruined it for those of us that actually understood the differences between woman and men. Some women are made up of the physical stuff to step out in certain working worlds to compete with men, sometimes accomplishing it but falling short because of body makeup. Does this make them “equal”? The bra burning path pavers of the 60’s did not take in to consideration that there are some things real women enjoy, that what might be lost by taking such a bold move as proclaiming the total equality of the sexes. I, for one, have always enjoyed the feeling of having a man step into my path and open a door for me. Knowing full and well I could open the same door myself with no loss felt at all. What if it all boils down to respect and acknowledging the differences between the sexes? Respect for what I have to offer you and what I have to offer back? What self respecting male would offer to open a door for a woman that blasts bold blinking neon that no old fashioned chivalry is required because I am most capable of doing it myself!

In my most humble opinion, the battle between the sexes took a nasty turn and lies not in the differences, but in the distortion of what the power of being a women truly means. I so believe in the power contained in womanhood. We are natural healers, nurturers of life, bearer of children. Keeping this in mind, as independent thinkers, we individually choose the path we want to follow. In understanding the base instincts allotted to each woman and the choice to choose where we want our talents to go. Whether or not to compete with the male on their level or accepting our capabilities given as women is a choice. In the most base of thinking, I feel this movement highlighted an all or nothing sense. Perhaps, along the way of the push for equality in a “modern age”, both sexes got confused.

The responsibility lies in using this power properly, with respect to the powers that it’s extended, and not strictly for the benefit of attaining advantage at the expense of others. The flip side of this power is that which is suppressed by domination. Where this type of domination prevails is to know suppression of female powers. It breeds contempt, insecurity and a feeling of minimization as a human being. It confuses the sense of natural instincts. Where male domination is allowed to prevail at the expense of allowing him to feel control is to know another soul experiencing pain and suppression. Self worth is at stake. Growth stops and survival instincts take front row. For the sake of love and acceptance, a woman will sacrifice large chunks of herself in order to sustain the relationship.

If children are involved, this kind of control will push the woman to extend her sacrificial service with respect to them, to remain, in the name of the family. If violence is involved (verbal or physical, both damaging) , she will place herself in-between her children, taking the brunt of what is dished out, and accomplishing this only if she is crafty and clever enough to divert the barrage of rage outside of the line of fire that might include them. She will fool herself into thinking that she is absorbing all the pain, and in doing so, allowing the children to be pain free. In reality, she is only fooling herself in this belief. Children learn not only from what they hear but from what they see and feel, as well. There are no short cuts in martyrdom, someone who believes they sacrifice themselves for the sake of others! There is no protection from domination, violence, suppression, based on fear of reprisal. There is no amount of love or desire that will protect young ones from being affected.

If, in this generation, we can say we possess the most modern tools of evolvement available to us to date, there is no place for dominance between the sexes, why is there so much going on in the world? Is the blame cast back to the caveman where cartoons have the males dragging the woman by the hair? Is it because of the survival of the fittest has the male battling the elements with the female standing steadfast in the background tending the child and stirring the soup for dinner? Or in modern times, that he is left to decipher the “evolved liberated” woman and the female that will either succumb to their will
and be accepted or be so “liberated” that they are beyond conditioning to their base “male whims”.

Personally, I really like men. There are many good ones out there that truly respect women and treat them as so. These men deserve a woman who is as intent on equality in a relationship and committed to the work involved to establish it as such. My concern lies with the women who feel their destiny has them in the opposite, where he rules over her well being and she knows no other life than his “reality”.

There are many forms of courage, however, the most courageous are the ones that recognize the futility of their lives, no matter how much they try to camouflage their situations, and step out with bravery to change them. The first step is to recognize the need for change.

The second is to justify the making of the change in relationships to altering the lives of all those included. She asks herself, “How can I be so selfish as to make the choice to change the lives of the people I love in the name of bettering our lives, as I have deemed to be best?” The formulated need to ask is reason enough to fully be aware of a serious problem.

The third is to recognize the gut instincts when this decision might be the best for all and the common sense peace of mind to bring forth any alliances in relationships in their lives who might help in bringing about such a change in life that might be required, be it a good ear for support or actually aiding in bringing about the changes for this to come about.

The gift of the Goddess to women lies in the ability to draw on strength and courage, to survive the serious challenge of the desire to change one’s life for the opportunity to better the lives involved and in doing so, discover our full potential.

Jasmine’s Reflections Introduction

Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.

Chief Seattle

  My spiritual path has led me thru shelves of books. There have been some special teachers in my life; some for a day, a year or still remain. The scope of these subjects are beyond what I could even hope to get thru in this lifetime. I could not tell you exactly what books I have read but with each one that left an impression…I have absorbed the essence that I felt I needed before I moved on. Sometimes to my delight, something I might have read or learned from others long ago might come to the surface to meld with current insights that shed a brighter light in my spiritual enlightenment. I have also spent decades learning to “listen” to my spiritual guides and as well as varying degrees of meditational reflection. In this section I would like to share with you in my writings a little of what I have learned. It’s my own *knowing* and *truth.* However seeds are planted, it’s up to the individual whether or not it’s a germination that will apply to them. Perhaps, if nothing more, I might share a subject that will simply encourage further investigation on your own; wherever you choose to seek it.

Life Cycles

Written by Jasmine

Cycle: a group of events which happen in a particular
order, one following the other and which is often
repeated.

Cycles of life. Somewhere along the line I found myself becoming aware of a new one beginning, enjoying the more comfortable middle area where it seems it always was and will remain to be. However, the slight flavor of change was in the air. Sometimes it was in a friendship, a job, relationship or even a peaceful lull following a hectic time. In many cases it was not the direction I might have liked things to go.

When I consciously found myself living in the light, listening to my inner self and seeking the guidance of my spirit guides, was when I began to recognize the *signs* posted along the way. They were always there but the difference was in my perspective to be able to see them when they crossed my path. They are easy to miss when, unaware, everyday challenges of life block the view.

One example was with a particular friendship. I met her thru a mutual friend. We hit it off immediately and we had plenty in common. We both had families. In the beginning, our friendship was great. Somewhere towards the middle I knew I was emotionally stronger than she was. I did my best to be there for her when she called, day or night. Lending support as a good friend does for one another. Then the time she needed from me began to increase. It took a serious cut into my own young families’ needs, business and other social obligations. The more I gave the more she seemed to need and it was pulling me down.

The signs were in front of me, that I was hindering her more than I was helping, and it was time to back off our close friendship. However, I fought the intuitive feeling and opted for the thinking that if I were a true friend, I would continue to help.

Then came the beginning of the end. I found myself pregnant with my second child and bedridden for the first 2 months. My mom moved in with us to help out. What it took for me to understand this part of the cycle was the fact my good friend did not contact me once thru the whole time I was down. (Sure, I could have contacted her, however, that was not the point.)

Finding myself in a situation where the only choice was to protect the life inside me as well as doing the best I could for my 7 year old. Holding the family together during this difficult time was all I could handle. I had been crying out for help on a spiritual level for some time. Ending up in a prone position for so long tends to re-arrange the thinking patterns! It literally jerked me to the center of reality about what was really important in my life. Perhaps in my spiritual search to that point, I had missed the minor ones posted for me and required a huge billboard in the form of the blessing of a new life.

Back to this friendship. I had been able to see the cycle of our friendship and where it had ended up. Honestly, knowing her as I did and understanding how incapable she was to extend beyond her own personal situation and it was really alright. After much consideration I accepted the signs of change and of moving on. It felt right in letting go. Our paths had crossed for a reason and I was better for having had her in my life. The fork in the road was clear.

Of course, not all friendships are meant to end this way. However, I think this was the first serious situation where I was able to consciously recognize in retrospect the full cycle and how my acknowledging this with the spiritual trust to follow the flow.

The key to being able to recognize these cycles and their stages lie in living everyday in mindfulness. This means living in the moment. Not spending too much time on a past that is over or a future yet to come. Accepting that which is out of our hands and doing what is in our power to deal with at this time. De-clutter the mind of useless thoughts, let them go. Cycles can be repeated when they become circles!

Focusing on the situation at hand, be it career, relationship or friendship. Being fully aware in the moment on time spent in a situation without cluttering the mind with other thoughts not related to what’s going on at the time. If you can train yourself to do this, it becomes easier to recognize where cycles are in your life as well as *opening your eyes* to signs posted along the way. You might better be able to recognize red flags marking that which could be holding you back in your life situations.

To put it simply, when situations in our lives become a continuous struggle, perhaps it’s time to take a serious look at where you’re really headed with it. Using awareness in this way will enable the signs to be read and recognize where changes might need to be made in order to continue on an honest spiritual path.

When I have consciously found myself faced with recognizing where change or adjustments were required and following thru with them, I have been rewarded with a feeling that it was right. I might mourn a loss with some of the changes but what was gained meant so much more in the long run. Sometimes doors or windows need to be closed before others are allowed to open.

Journal To Dreamland

Written By Jasmine

Ever feel like your brain is on a fast track to nowhere? You’re thoughts rushing up multi-lanes and then switching lanes up ahead, at 90 miles an hour? Taking your mind off of what is in front of you all day, just to keep you awake at night? We have all been there at one time or another, and in varying degrees.

I was plagued with insomnia from an early age. As an adult, I needed to find some answers to this dilemma. Anyone that has spent night after night painfully aware of the fact that one is not sleeping, and sneaking occasional looks at the clock validating this fact, will understand what I am talking about. Compound by years and there is a personal epidemic at hand.

Sleeping pills have just never been an option for me, the idea of slapping a bandage on a wound that won’t heal and suffering the side effects that accompany a drug were unacceptable. I found a few solutions that eventually worked for me. One was meditation and relaxation technique I would practice once I had jumped into bed ready for sleep. That is a type of whole body and mind solution. The other I found to be useful was journaling. To me it was beginning at the source of what was holding me back. Writing down my thoughts in a journal I made special for this purpose. I began by writing at night before I would try to go to sleep. Whatever was jumbled up in my mind, at the time, was written down. I discovered a key thing was to not worry about spelling, punctuation or sentence structure.

Focusing on that takes away from what you’re trying to do. Just get it down on paper. By doing this it allows the mind to be freed up from that particular thought and enabling it to move on. Starting slow is a good thing. This allows you to establish a routine and writing thoughts down becomes easier as you go along. Once you become comfortable with it, making it a practice at other times during the day will afford you an outlet to the chatter that does not differentiate between times of day. You might find your able to concentrate better on your task that is in front of you, rather than spacing out to where a troublesome spot is in your mind, after writing down thoughts that are plaguing you at the time.

It works for times when you wake up and find it difficult to go back to sleep. Once you realize you’re not going to drift off and quickly back to dreamland…pull up your handy journal and jot the top most thoughts on your mind. Then try again. If you take stock of the thoughts that merry-go-round in your head, you can put them into categories. There are the issues in your mind that you have no control over, nothing you can do to change it and are out of your hands. You still might worry about such things, but by recognizing that you can do nothing about them, you’re acknowledging this in your conscious mind.

The next step is to let it go. It does not mean you don’t care about the situation, it simply means you are letting it go from worrying about it.

The other category of concerns and thoughts are the ones you DO have some control over. It might be easier to start with the simpler ones. One at a time, take stock of the nagging top of the pile, stuff that you can step in and deal with right now. By paring down the mountain of concerns and focusing on them one at a time, you can lighten your load of concerns. Using journaling as an outlet to help the chatter in your mind is only a beginning to where it personally might take you.

Some might discover a creative vein buried inside that desires to be vented. Others might use it as vehicles to get down the road, and then in retrospective reading, find out they really have made progress where it was not realized before. At the very least, you might see a pattern, where you see no progress being made, and you can then make adjustments and try a different course of action. A pattern in a particular subject that keeps popping up in your writing can lead you to a possible solution or allowing yourself to let it go because you have no control over it.

Whatever an outcome, for your own personal gain, it’s an inexpensive and creative choice for helping yourself move down your path in a healthy manner. Then, finally find peace of mind to drift off to sleep to discover some nice sweet dreams.