Summer Update 2013
Meeting My True Self
Written by Jasmine
Webmistress The Majickal Garden
I am sitting on my patio this fine sunny summer day tapping away my thoughts on this laptop. The scent of my just watered flowers treats my nose with the breeze that dances around my body and tickles the wind chimes occasionally for the pleasure of my ears. Right now there is no other place I would rather be and there are no problems that can touch me. Sara McLachlan’s smooth music rounds out my scene with her lyrical inspiration in the background.
My chickadee bird’s drop in for their baths and drinks of water when they choose; apparently without fear at my presence. Yes, they are my birds. : ) Animals are free of emotions and thoughts. They rely solely on instinct where there are no words.
I have spent this summer focusing on “living in the now.” I am finding much comfort from the need to dwell in the past that include regrets, guilt and wonder about roads not taken. With regards to those roads, I have come to the conclusion there are no wrong ones only different with unique lessons to learn on the path of life. Regrets and guilt are useless in wasted energy as what brought them about cannot be changed. That simply invites the negative which tends to breed more; spilling over into other situations and emotions. The choice is to remain attached to them or release them for the health of my soul.
I have also found relief from lamenting at what I have not been able to accomplish at the end of my day. The day ends and whatever I did do was it. Tomorrow is another day! At the end of my day when it is all done, I now am able to appreciate the moment and short of plans made for the next, I am able to enjoy where I have found myself, at that moment.
Two years ago I wrote about a book by Eckhart Tolle: “The Power of Now”. He invited me to ponder concepts that my past literary roads had spoken of in bits and pieces. I read it twice and had begun a third time when my last repeated check out from the library expired. (Me, who has never read a book more than once!) From that point I continued to sporadically practice what he had taught me. He stilled my ongoing search for finding just the right book to help me on my desire to strengthen the health of my soul. His message was clear; the answers are already inside of us all. Somehow I already knew this.
I was so enthusiastic about what I had read and come to understand deep inside myself but when I tried to explain it to a few close to me I found it extremely difficult. This place where he teaches to focus on has no words. There is only knowing, understanding and peaceful comfort.
Then, late this last spring a treasured friend mentioned a book called “The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself” by Michael A. Singer. Intrigued because she brought it to me I hurried out to get it. It grabbed me just as Eckhart Tolle had and in the same spirit and message. The only difference was his writing seemed a bit more accessible to my literal mind.
Half way thru the book I realized that I had read it about 11 years ago during a very turbulent time in my life that was a beginning of a painful end to a very long relationship. It had helped me during some conflicts with this person but somehow my focus was lost in all the drama of the time. However, I did retain some bits and pieces. It had come back to me thru my friend at a time that was just right and I was listening.
I have accepted the fact that there are two of me living in this earthly body. No, I am not a dual personality. ; ) There is my functioning self that includes my ego, id, emotions, heart and brain. I need them all to go about living life. However, I have also discovered they do not need to rule me.
The other is my higher self, my conscious self or my soul that relies on none of the above. Some beliefs call it spirit or chi. My true self is not my thoughts, emotions, actions, or even my job or other labels. My true self is that which watches and observes with no words or judgments. It knows who I truly am. There is only true love, acceptance and freedom there.
Once the realization is there that there are two, there becomes a choice in living life and in what type of outcome will happen as a result. This comes about by observing yourself in any given situation. It starts by being aware of any emotion that is triggered in a situation. As soon as an emotion erupts, such as anger, embarrassment, jealousy, pain or fear and you are aware of the point where you feel it, acknowledge this to yourself. It is obvious to the observing mind, your higher self. A feeling of pressure appears around the heart and in your chest. This is where emotion lives.
At that point your mind will begin to swirl with all kinds of words telling you what you want to say and you will become defensive. You can feel it expand inside you as the emotion begins to get bigger. Just at that point, know that this is not the true you, but if you let it continue you will become a party to the drama that will unfold between you and the other person. (This can happen when you are alone and your mind and emotions begin to take you to an emotional situation that can quickly evolve into others.) Your ego and mind will take over and this is the point where you become “unconscious.” Your conscious mind will recede to the background and it is easy to lose control of the situation as well as the outcome.
This might sound difficult to imagine but when one practices it, it becomes easier. As soon as you feel the emotion well up inside you, observe it, and acknowledge it. Know that your higher self is watching it, your true self. Take a deep slow breath and let your body relax. Feel the emotion and go right thru it. It’s not easy and it will be uncomfortable but you need to let it pass thru you. You mind will be poking at you with words and indignation or defense; let them go. You do not have to listen. Once you arrive on the other side you can objectively decide what really needs to be done and what you can do.
I can give an example on a small scale. The other day, a good friend came over to visit. We were in my back yard visiting my efforts in the garden. There was a planter with healthy petunias in it and as she pinched a few dead ones off it she asked me if I knew that if I kept them pinched off that it would make the plant healthier and promotes new growth.
At that moment I felt a swell around my heart of indignation and defense. What I wanted to say was if I did not know it before, I knew it every time we visited my garden together because she has frequently informed me of this fact. I did not say this because I was emotional and would have sounded defensive as I felt and cause hurt feelings between us. Instead, I had observed my reaction and took a deep slow breath and let it out. I walked thru my instant defense and came out the other side. I felt an immediate relief from my reaction of emotion. As I did this, I realized her intentions were good and she was merely trying to help me with her knowledge, once again. I knew I had nothing to gain by defending myself to her. : )
I calmly smiled and nodding, told her that yes, your right, I need to keep up on that. We moved on to the next section and enjoyed each other’s company.
One of the things mentioned in “The Untethered Soul” was to picture sitting on top of the world, all alone, and staring out into the big vast space of the universe. What I took from this visual was, how really small we really are and what is really important in the whole grand scheme of things. That picture has helped me thru a few times where I might have lost track of my higher self and remembered to take a step back and just observe what is going on inside my “unconscious” self, taking time to remember where my true “higher self” lives.
Once you learn how to do this, you can find so much peace, love and comfort from every day distress. Any time and any place. I know I have only just begun and it can only become better.
Eckhart Tolle mentions in his book that grasping the concept of what he speaks about is beyond words. The mind wants to reason with words in the head and by doing that it’s easy to miss the answers that are already inside and get lost in questions. What I discovered was letting go of the reasoning mind and letting the “knowing” surface of what he spoke about freed me to experience it. It was a very enlightening experience, and that is what this is all about.
Meditation and yoga helps me to expand my connection with my center. It is also highly recommended by those that follow this practice. You can’t buy what this has to offer for your own well-being of the soul and no one can give it to you. To discover inside you the capacity and ability to attain it is priceless.
I am but a student in the light of life and I am part of something far bigger than me. As I mentioned before, sometimes the more time and words spent on explaining something as deep and personal as this is difficult at best. My explanation might perhaps loose something important in the translation however my passion for the knowing, peace and comfort I have found in going to this place inside is true.
I wish you much love and light on your own path. : )